Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. I dont understand what the point of acupuncture is! They're usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable. The vet interrupted him by saying, Look, Im a vet. The serious types of doctors are the ones who emanate serious aura. David: "Doctor, he didnt hang himself. ", The radiologist sees a duck, aims a shotgun, hits the duck, and turns to the group. Patient: "Doctor, Ive got a month to feed. Error occurred when generating embed. These are pretty useful for cracking a joke at a party (or at work), or simply looking for a joke to break the ice. How is a woman like a road? "I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up. The vet interrupted him by saying, Look, Im a vet. "Your tap water is too hard. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk carefully by the pill cabinet? A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; He was able to change my mind. What dont you want to hear in the middle of surgery? He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide., John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. ", 5. Then into its ears.Finally, she turns to the girl and says, "I'm very sorry. One day, a woman walks into a doctors office.She has a cucumber in her nose, a carrot in her left ear, and a banana in her right ear.Whats wrong with me? she asks the doctor.Youre not eating properly, he replies. A friend of mine was destined to be an osteopath. Possible flying squirrel. "Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten! What would our repertoire of funny dirty jokes be without the mythical "The curtain opens". Why did the grasshopper go to the doctor? Patient: "Doctor, Im hearing a ringing sound? Slow down girl, you're giving me a woodwind. 4. ", A doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife. Get a lawyer. Pilot left his microphone on. Our goal is to see every student enjoy a successful career in the healthcare field. 11. Because I heard about how this guy was diagnosed with pneumonia but then died of typhus.Doctor: No worries here, that wont happen to me. What band was better than The Cure? upvote downvote report. Will you turn me on? His wife asks when she notices him quickly putting on his coat. "Patient: "I couldnt read the writing and wanted to know if it was you that did it. Returning visitor? 11 A Good Medical Joke. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. 74 apple jokes, puns and one liners! Can you check it out please?" Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "OK," said the man. "He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart. What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again? Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. Weve got the results back from your tests, and weve found you have an extremely nasty virus that is extremely contagious!Oh my gosh, cries the man. 3. You know how they say that laughter prolongs life? Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. A dirty double . 12 Patient Care. "Mom? A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was sent to the hospital one day. The next Doctor s What is 18 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole? Because you're making me drool. ", "After my prostate exam, the doctor left. A: You can't hear a vitamin. Faced with such a brilliant response, we have no possible reply. Ooops! Just ice cream. Man: "Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Why did the doctor take a red pen to work? Neilas often finds himself lost in making music, sim racing, watching movies, TV Series and playing video games in his free time. I have some bad news and some very bad news which would you like to hear first?Mr. I'm desperate!""Aha!'' You've got your taste back. It's just a small scalpel incision. Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer ", A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Once the doctor entered the exam room, he started asking all the usual questions about symptoms and how long theyve persisted. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! I had no words. The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didnt help. ", "Yesterday, the doctor told me I was colorblind. What about the boy? ", Doctor: Youre as healthy as a horse!Jimmy: Thats great!Doctor: A horse with kidney stones.. Let's take a look at our favorite short jokes for adults only: As far as dirty jokes go, we can safely say that size doesn't matter. A dermatologist makes a fortune selling skin cream and runs off with the money. This kind of unpleasant experience leaves us to not trust them. Patient: Doctor, doctor, Im addicted to brake fluid., Patient: Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. A new hybrid. I cant pay that before the end of the month!Doctor: OK, then you have six months to live.. Why did the Dalmatian go to the eye doctor? But I refused. Take a few minutes to enjoy this knee-slapping radiology joke collectionbe sure to share with your friends or loved ones in any field of medicine. It's important to have a good vocabulary. During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then? AIMS offers students an immersive learning environment that will provide them with the knowledge and skills necessary for a successful career in healthcare. Doctor, i have a serious memory problem.i cant remember anything! The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. Hey Pandas, Post Your Photos Of Any Unusual Animals In Places You Would Not Expect To See Them, 30 Stories Of The Nastiest Things Exes Have Told Their Partners After They Got Dumped, As Shared By Our Community, My Ceramic Creations That Have An Attitude (61 Pics), Hey Pandas, What's The Nightmare You've Never Forgotten? You have 206 bones in your body, want one more? 2. Weirdly, I've been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. He can't ask his patients what is the matter he's got to just know. ", Doctor: You have high blood pressure and amnesia., Patient: Doctor, doctor, I stood on a LEGO!, Doctor: "I've got good news, and bad news. !Nurse: B positive.Doctor: Im trying, but hes lost a lot of blood., "Knock, knock. One day, a man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally saws off all ten of his fingers. The other watches your snatch. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?He was feeling really crumby. The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. 10 Doctor Makes a Pig's Ear of Operation. Not my brother. Get him vitamins. Jerry is in the hospital recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.Im OK, but I didnt like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery, he answered.What did he say? asked the nurse.OOPS!, Doctor: I accidentally left my gloves inside your stomach during your operation. 13 That Killed Him - Heartbreaking Tale. (Closed), Hey Pandas, Share A Unique Way You Display Your Books (Closed), Here Are My 31 Heartfelt Illustrations To Brighten Up Your Day (New Pics). Dirty, hospital, medical, nurse, viagra. Me: Oh, so, everybody was kung fu fighting?, Patient: Yes, and I told them to just swing at the air, not hit the door. Score: 1. When he arrives at the office, the receptionist asks whats wrong. A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet. Dont leave me hangin here. The largest collection of doctor one-line jokes in the world. !Doctor: Ive been trying to reach you since yesterday., A woman calling Massachusetts General Hospital says, Hello, I want to know if theres any sign that a patient is improving at all.The receptionist asks, What is the patients name and room number?Of course, the woman replied, Sarah Finkel, Room 304.The receptionist responds by saying, Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. Coronavirus jokes are rapidly becoming a pun-demic. But I stand corrected. The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. Vein : Conceited. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! Two doctors meet at the bar and decide to hook-up. COPY. It will be better in two weeks." Avoid heavy lifting. ""3:30 who? This is Gasoline!" He puts a sign outside the clinic: oh silly, silly, naive me.. A group of physicians are duck hunting. Hey baby, wanna play with my corpus cavernosum? Here are 20+ radiology memes certain to ease your stress: 1. "Give him a headache! says the doctor. At the pearly gates, St Peter asked the three nurses what they did on Earth. Shingles, he responded. One day, a woman walks into a doctors office. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, Guy Puts In His "Notice Of Immediate Resignation" After Boss Disregards Their Verbal Agreement, Warns Others To Always Write Things Down, Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mothers Day Celebration Hed Planned, Woman Wears Red Dress To Cousin's Wedding To Show That She Slept With The Groom First, But The Bride Outsmarts Her, 30 Informative And Fun Food Charts For Anyone Trying To Eat Smarter, Artist Creates Fun Comics With Unpredictable Endings That Poke Fun At Our Society (30 New Pics), Clueless Director Calls For A Meeting Over Mass Resignation After Company Cancels WFH, Employee Explains It In A Way He Would Understand, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! ", Patient: Please help me! Take these pills and come back next week.". I'm going to have to put your cat down. "How come you are sweating?" "Doc! Do you have more jokes for your own? "Doctor: "Then answer the phone.". "Doctor: "Okay, but why are you telling me about this? Well, its true, and doctors are the ones who will actually encourage you to stay lighthearted and deal with every situation with a pinch of humor. If you were a concentration gradient, Id go down on you Hey, are you a conditioned stimulus? Whats the difference between bird flu and swine flu?For one, you get treatment; for the other, you get oinkment. Another doctor., Doctor: What seems to be your trouble?Patient: When I get up, I feel dizzy for one hour?Doctor: Try getting up one hour later.. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: ' Now I just want a cup of coffee and a blowjob'. A man frantically calls the doctor and says, My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart now!Is this her first child? the doctor responds.The man replies, No, you idiot! This is her husband!, Doctor: I had a young boy in here yesterday that swallowed 10 quarters. You can change your preferences. We didn't want to be cheered up with idiotic aphorisms that put a positive spin on his medical condition. A notoriously mischievous student in medical college was up to his usual tricks. ""Oh no! Will you turn me on? Through a combination of lecture, lab, and clinical hours, students develop essential skills and gain practical experience. They both have manholes. They were put in seperate examination rooms. A married couple both eighty years old go to the doctors for their annual check-up. Get updates on new posts directly to your inbox! "Doctor says, "Take the spoon out of your mug. Barium: What doctors do when patients die. If you were a concentration gradient, I'd go down on you. Have you got anything to keep it in?' This is arealstory submitted to a Reddit board: There's noel. Those are my symptoms exactly!, What did the judge say to the dentist?Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?, "Did you hear the one about the germ? An apple keeps everyone away if you throw it hard enough. He turns to the group and says, "It was too small for a condor, too big for a sparrow. "Doctor: "The good news is the surgery was successful.
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